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No. 5581: The Logical Conclusion

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The Logical Conclusion

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Permanent URL: https://mezzacotta.net/garfield/?comic=5581

Strip by: TPTPWDotACoEMW

Jon: Nap hungrily, cat. Dog nap cat vet nap dog
Jon: Dog nap nap vet nap dog fat-cat cat hungrily
Garfield: Dog nap thou fat-fat-cat cat!
Jon: Dog nap nap vet nap thou fat dogs betwixt fat cat plus thou fat dogs betwixt thou fat
Garfield: Cats! Cats! Cats!
Jon: Plus nap dog nap plus dog nap nap betwixt dog?
Garfield: Jon Jon! Nap dog! Nap dog!
Jon: Dog nap nap thou cats betwixt fat fat cats
Garfield: Jon!
Author's Signature: CAT CAT CAT-CAT
Garfield: Jon hungrily nap thou fat, fat, fat-cat cat hungrily nap?
Copyright Notice: Cat Cat CAT, FAT. Thou Cat Fat.
Jon: Plus dog nap nap thou fat fat fat-cat cat thou cat
Garfield: Dog nap nap, dog nap

The author writes:

Alternative title: Garfield with Nouns Replaced With "Cat," Adjectives Replaced With "Fat," Verbs Replaced With "Nap," Pronouns Replaced With "Dog," Adverbs Replaced With "Hungrily," Interjections Replaced With "Jon," Particles Replaced With "Vet," Conjunctions Replaced With "Plus," Prepositions Replaced With "Betwixt," and Determiners Replaced With "Thou"

From #5413:

"Hopefully someone makes a verbs version after this."

And after that, something for adverbs perhaps, then conjunctions and prepositions and pronouns and so on... And then I come along and combine them all to eliminate all comprehension forevermore.

But I don't want to have to wait for all of those other comics to come out before we finally push this to the logical conclusion. So I skipped all those steps and went straight to the end. I unstuck all of the contractions, then I took every word and converted it to its logical replacement. The strip is now composed of a mere eleven words, or thirteen if you count the plural "cats" and "dogs." Where possible, I tried to keep the grammatical type of the word the same, but pronouns had to be converted to nouns and particles were entirely transmuted, because just changing those two to a random pronoun or particle wouldn't have been very funny, at least not in my opinion.

There was one issue which this comic's predecessors, #1119 and #5413, ended up creating: the original converts nouns that are used as adjectives, like "sock" and "guy," into "cat," and so its successor leaves those alone even though they are, in fact, adjectives. I decided to reconcile this by replacing all nouns used as adjectives into "fat-cat," the adjective and noun as a hyphenated pair.

Fun extra thing: I was originally going to replace all verbs with "eat," but that made for some rather strange word combinations. "Nap" is just as funny, though.

Original strip: 1985-05-19.