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No. 5731: The Pipe Strip but it's a crossover

First | Previous | 2025-01-26 | Next | Latest

The Pipe Strip but it's a crossover

First | Previous | 2025-01-26 | Next | Latest

Permanent URL: https://mezzacotta.net/garfield/?comic=5731

Strip by: Jess Moonbow

{Jon sits in a chair, reading a newspaper. He reaches around the table next to him}
{He looks up from his newspaper}
Jon {thinking}: Now where could my pipe be?
{Cut to Garfield, who has nothing in his mouth}
Jon: Garfield!
{Jon realizes his mistake offscreen; cut to Odie}
Jon: Odie!
Jon: Oh, wait...
{Cut to Nermal}
Jon: Nermal!
Nermal: Jon, as the world's cutest kitten, I do not have the time, reason, or age to smoke.
{Cut to Lyman}
Jon: Lyman!
Lyman: Jon, you have not let me out of your basement in years. I do not have your pipe.
{Cut to Pooky}
Jon: Pooky-wait, why am I accusing a teddy bear?
{Cut to Linus}
Jon: Linus!
Linus: S-Sorry Sir! Won't happen again!
Jon: Nevermind...
{Cut to The Beatles}
Jon: The Beatles!
George Harrison: Isn't this joke kinda tired by now, Jonathan?
Ringo Starr: I think it's quite funny.
John Lennon: No one asked you, Ringo.
{Cut to Weezer}
Jon: Weezer!
Weezer: Oh, wee-ooh, we do not know where your pipe is. Oh-oh, go ask Mary Tyler Moore.
{Cut to Jess}
Jon: Jess!
Jess: I regret to inform you, Jonathan Arbuckle from the hit comic Garfield, that I do not know where the location of your smoking apparatus is. If I knew, I would tell you, and this strip would be over. I have no use for said apparatus, and thus have not paid any attention to it. That, and I was too busy playing Sonic Frontiers, out on Switch, PS4, PS5, and Xbox or something. I dunno, I don't Xbox for a living, who do I look like, William Turnstile?
Jon:...What?
{Jess suddenly has large angry eybrows}
Jess: I don't F[black box]ing smoke, Arbuckle.
{Cut to Twilight Sparkle}
Jon: Twilight!
Twilight: How dare you speak that way to the Princess of Equestria!
{Cut to Edward}
Jon: Edward!
Edward: I'm sorry Jon, but smoking would cause me to lose my sparkle or something.
{Cut to Eevee}
Jon: Eevee!
Eevee: Eevee!
{Cut to Hatsune Miku}
Jon: Miku!
Miku: Jonasan, mōshiwakearimasenga, anata no paipu ga doko ni aru no ka wakarimasen.
{Cut to a piece of toast}
Jon: Toast-wait...
{Cut to Big the Cat}
Jon: Big!
Big: I'm sorry, Jon, but I'm currently trying to find my polliwog pal, Froggy...
{cut to Omni Man}
Jon: Omni Ma-
{Omni Man's interrupts Jon and covers his speech bubble}
Omni Man: Let me stop you right there. Us Viltrumites need to keep our bodies in tip top shape, Jonathan. We do not partake in matters such as "smoking". Our bodies could theoretically handle it, but we have more important uses of our time. Think, Jon. Think. 
{Cut to Muscle Man}
Jon: Muscle Man!
Muscle Man: You know who else is looking for a pipe? MY MOM!
{Cut to Homestar Runner}
Jon: Homestar! 
Homestar: Um, no, and, fuwthew mowe, no. I don't even know whewe youw tube is. I don't even know whewe my hat is at!
{Cut to Bubs, who is holding Froggy}
Jon: Bubs!
Bubs: I don't have your pipe, but I have this green lizard I found on the ground! I'll give it to you for 50 bucks!
{Cut to Weird Al}
Jon: Weird Al!
Weird Al: Terribly sorry, Jon, but I don't know where your pipe is. I'll write a song about it if it makes you feel better. *ahem* Jon's pipe, Jon's pipe, or where could Jon's pipe be? Was it that orange cat, how about that, was it the little dog, lost in the fog, oh where could John's pipe be? 
{Cut to Seymour Skinner}
Jon: Skinner!
Skinner: Uh...ooh! That isn't smoke. It's steam! Steam from the steamed clams we're having! Mmm...steamed clams!
{Cut to Mr. Bean}
Jon: Mr Bean!
Mr. Bean: Magic. 
{Cut to Gandalf the Grey, Gandalf the White, Monty Python and The Holy Grail's Black Knight, Benito Mussolini, The Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis, Jambi the genie, Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, and The Rock. Doc Ock and Hulk Hogan aren't shown}
Jon: Gandalf the Grey, Gandalf the White, Monty Python and The Holy Grail's Black Knight, Benito Mussolini, The Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis, Jambi the genie, Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan? 
The Rock: NO
{Cut to Jim Davis}
Jon: Jim Davis!
Jim: Jon, I don't know. You haven't had that pipe in years. I don't have it, and I don't think anyone does. 
{Cut to a metal pipe}
Jon: I can't believe that I-
Wait..
That's my pipe!
{Jess enters}
Jess: Ohhh...you were looking for this pipe?
{Jess gains a giant raised eyebrow and a large slightly lowered one} 
Jess: Wait, why didn't you correct anyone?
Jon: I forgot.
{A rimshot and a laugh track chime in, not pictured}

The author writes:

Also known as "Garfield + more characters + old memes + 2 bands + a self-insert + a pony + a vampire + a Pokemon + a virtual idol + a piece of toast + a heavily underrated Sonic character + a not-so-super hero + a green guy + a white guy with no arms + a shoddy salesman + a parody artist + a principal + a possibly alien + a wizard + another form of said wizard + a head and torso with a helmet + a dictator + 3 wrestlers + a cowboy + a genie + a robot cop + a robot assassin + a space captain + some guy's father + that guy from Big Trouble in Little China + a super hero + 5 teenagers in jumpsuits + 2 teenagers who travel through time + a Vulcan + a super villain + the creator".

It took me a lot of time to make this. It's not perfect, but I'm proud of it. There's some transparency between some of the panels, but the image editor I used used a black background, so it was harder to notice. I could have gone back and rearranged the panels, but I would have had to rearrange basically everything. I don't think it's too big of a deal, though. I also didn't realize the image editor allowed local fonts, so I had to type it out on a different page, screenshot, then cut it out, until I realized my blunder. I ended up retyping a lot of panels that I didn't like the way the text was arranged. This will probably be my only SRoMG submission. I'll probably make more edits, but I'll post them somewhere else.

Anyway, I will explain some things now.

First, I actually colored Garfield's mouth to remove the pipe. It helped that the pipe made for a convincing stripe on his face. After that, we have Odie (who Jon realizes is too dumb to steal it), Nermal, and Lyman. I was originally gonna have "Lyman, it's 1978, you haven't even moved in yet", and just throw in a "Wait, if it's 1978, why am I here? Why is-" yadda yadda. I decided against it because it was just a wee bit too nonsensical. Then there's Pooky, and then we move away from the Garfield characters.

(Alrighty, so turns out there's a strip where Nermal mentions cigarettes and implies that Nermal does, in fact, smoke. I didn't realize this when I made the strip. So I guess this strip is non-canon. As if it wasn't already.)

(I also once considered adding something along the lines of "Jon realizes Odie is too dumb to steal the pipe" while forgetting about that one strip where Odie was shown with a pipe that looked suspiciouly like Jon's pipe. Thankfully I didn't add another non-canon blunder to my obviously not canon strip.)

Next is Linus, of course. If you're here, you know why Linus is here.

Then, there's The Beatles. I didn't know what the punchline was gonna be for them (I don't listen to the Beatles in my spare time, bring out your pitchforks), but then I was thinking of Blender Beatles 3: Movie, and I thought "Hey, I could make that the punchline!" So I did. I had some trouble with finding a good transparent background, however. So there's just some ominous white glow around the Beatles. I also didn't know which Beatle was which, so after a quick Wikipedia, I had to re-arrange the speech bubbles and re-export. Oops.

Next is Weezer. Now, I LOVE Weezer. I listen to them in my spare time. I say they're my favorite band. (I didn't say best, lower your pitchforks) The punchline was obvious to me. The next panel is where things get weird...

So... Who's this girl that looks like Ramona Flowers but with swirly eyes? That's... me. Or at least my profile picture.  I just wanted to put myself in the strip, but I was NOT showing my face, so I took my avatar and slapped her in there. I also didn't know who else would do the overly verbose joke, so who else but myself. I even go on a little rant about how I don't play XBOX and ended it with a pun. (William Turnstile-Bill Gates) I didn't see any rules against self-inserts, so I thought "why not?"

The next panel I was iffy about for a bit. I saw the rules were "vaguely PG-rated" so I wasn't sure. That was until I got to "Gazorpazorpfield minus Gazorpazorp", which had a lot of censored swearing. I feel that it's fine. I just wanted the blunt transition from rant to "I don't smoke" and just threw the F-Bomb in because it made it funnier. I should have made it "I don't F[black box]ing smoke, Jon." Oh well. I still like it.

I like My Little Pony. I think My Little Pony is great. I wish people were ponies. Then life wouldn't be lame. (That's a reference to a song, if you know, you know) Anyway, I wanted a place to put a "How dare you speak that way to the (royalty position) of (place)" meme.

The only reason Edward is here is because TWILIGHT Sparkle was in the last panel. Yes, his presence is a pun. The only reason I acknowledge Edward at all is because of Inanimate Battle 4.

Eevee. I know someone who likes Eevee.

I like Hatsune Miku, but I'm more of a casual Miku fan. I don't listen to very many Miku songs (too busy listening to Weezer), but I do like her anyway. The text says "Jonathan, I'm sorry, but I do not know where your pipe is." Or at least Google Translate says so. I took Japanese, but most of that information left my brain after I finished. There are just too many symbols with too many details for me to handle.

Toast. Um... Toast is sliced bread that has been browned by radiant heat. The browning is the result of a Maillard reaction altering the flavor of the bread and making it firmer. The firm surface is easier to spread toppings on and the warmth can help butter reach its melting point. Toasting is a common method of making stale bread more palatable. Bread is commonly toasted using a toaster or a toaster oven. Toast may contain acrylamide caused by the browning process, which is suspected to be a carcinogen. However, claims that acrylamide in burnt toast causes cancer have not been proven. Fascinating. Thanks, Wikipedia.

I like Big the Cat. He's great. I haven't played Sonic Adventure 1 or 2, but I have seen the easter eggs. In one stage, Big can be seen outside, in space, without a space suit. I presume he's a godlike entity capable of mass destruction. Wait, is he the real villain of Sonic Frontiers? Don't answer that, I'm not done with the game. Maybe by the time this exits the buffer, I will have.

Omni-Man. First, Invincible is a great show, and you should watch it. Omni Man doesn't say anything that spoils anything besides some information given pretty early on in the first episode (except for the reference to that one meme, which is a spoiler). Next, Omni Man cuts Jon off. This is because Omni Man is very egotistical and-Ok if I keep going, I'm bound to spoil something. 

Muscle Man is here because... well... Omni MAN... Muscle MAN... I was also thinking of "Omni Man vs Muscle Man" (which also has spoilers). I like the hidden double meaning behind his "My Mom" joke.

Oh boy, Homestar. I love Homestar Runner. Anyway, there's his speech impediment, and "Where My Hat is At?" I hear you say: "But wait, he's wearing his hat!" He's an idiot. Go watch any Homestar Runner toon. You can start anywhere and understand what's going on just as much as someone who's watched every single toon.

Bubs. Bubs is also from Homestar Runner. He's a questionably legal (that means illegal) salesman. Also, he's holding Froggy, Big's pet frog. I would have made some joke about frog legs, but the joke might have been lost. Also, he probably knows what a frog is, but is just hamming it up to get a sale.

OK. I love Weezer. Buuuuuut Weird Al is better. I didn't know the punchline up until I was typing it, so "Jon's Pipe" is completely improv. Maybe I'll make a full version someday. I might end up changing the lyrics if I do. I just needed rhymes quickly.

I haven't watched any Mr. Bean. I just remember he said "Magic" once. The picture was creepy, so I kept it.

I used a background remover for the people from "The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny". I cut it off when The Rock appeared, cause I felt it was enough of the actual line without too many people covered up. Doc Ock and Hulk Hogan are just running a little late. Or offscreen.

I actually had Jim Davis as the 2nd-to-last of the unique panels, before the previous panel. I decided Jim could do some meta-commentary for the end. End of the unique character chain, anyway. Has Jon had his pipe since 1978? He had in the next strip after this one, but he just took it out of Garfield's mouth, contemplated his life choices, and let Garfield have it. Why would he do that? At least put it away. Anyhoo...

Suprise! It's the Metal Pipe that was a meme for a while. I decided that making it a different pipe was better than the original punchline I had where the 2 panels before the last would be Jon complaining, then realizing he found it, then a panel I would have either stolen or recreated where it's just the pipe laying on the ground while he says "ah, there it is." A nice anti-climax, but it wasn't that funny.

For the last 2 panels, I question why Jon didn't clarify it was a metal pipe. I decided it would be funny if he just said "I forgot."

If you see any errors, they're features, not bugs.

That's it.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Original strip: 1978-07-27.