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Video Game

Here is the long-awaited video game I've been working on. If you know the comic well, you should find this an interesting challenge!

Release Notes

Bug Reports

Game Spoilers

I get a lot of questions about the video game. So here are some answers.

WARNING: Do not read further if you want to figure the game out for yourself!

I'm not sure how to start!

Not all of the game can be solved simply by paying attention to the plot of the comic. There are some small things hidden in the backgrounds of certain panels that are important in the game. (They're important in the comic too, but we just haven't seen how yet.)

How do I defeat the alternate reality version of Blackdrip in World 3?

Okay - the game does give you some hints about this one. Notice those snails, flowers, and pineapples in the background, and that the building is a replica of the Parthenon... that's right this puzzle is all about the Fibonacci sequence.

What you need to do is go into rooms 1, 1 (again, no really), 2, 3, 5, 8, and 13 in that order. In each you will find a piece of a mechanised banana - but only seven of the eight you need. To get the final one then backtrack to the courtyard and dig in the exact centre of the logarithmic spiral. You'll discover the last piece.

Then just bring the Mechanised Banana into Blackdrip's room, and watch a really fun cut-scene as it grows to enormous size, and wrestles Blackdrip into submission.

Is there any way to skip the landing sequence?

Here's a level select code: Up, up, Down, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, B, A, Stomp, clap, put your left leg in, your left leg out, in, out, in, out, shake it all about, start.

I need help with the infinite cow level!

The cow level is not infinite, and it is doable. You merely need to remember that you're on a fractal, and so traverse always towards the bigger cows. They may be huge, but they don't do any more damage than the little cows.

I can't get past the spirit level!

Don't do anything until the bubble appears in the middle. Also, if the Bublé appears in the middle, then there may be something wrong with your copy of the game.

I'm stuck in the rotating restaurant level!

There's a rotating restaurant level?

I can't find the jam jar!

Dammit you guys, stop e-mailing me about this! It's the first bit of the tutorial level! It says what to do right there in the game! Stop calling me! Stop going through my bins! I'm serious!

Is the cake a lie?

Of course the cake is not a lie! Did you really expect a robotic banana to lie to you? You'll find it behind the 364th book from the left in the library. You'll need a library card to get in; you can get one by beating the game three times or by buying one for $3.99 on our website.

Although for that price you could just go buy a piece of cake...

All the different Blackdrips are confusing!

Just remember, the good Blackdrip, the bad Blackdrip, and the normal Blackdrip aren't the same person as the Blackdrip.

There are too many monkeys!
There is an infinite number of monkeys!

No. If there had been one more, that would have been too many. But as everyone with a solid grounding in the hyper-real numbers is aware, the reciprocal of an infinitesimal is not infinity. Keep this in mind when distributing bananas.

The Hall of Many 'Drips is too long!

That's the point. They're all just recolours of Blackdrip that behave in the exact same way and just have different names (no, Pucedrip isn't any harder than the others; it doesn't mattter what you've heard), and the whole ordeal's as pointless as the pre-fight dialogues increasingly overtly imply until the last message just repeats itself (another tell-tale clue). It is possible to go all the way to the end (at least one lunatic's managed it), but you'll have to fight a crazy amount of battles and the game will make fun of you afterward. If you look closely in the upper-right corner of each room, there's a peeled corner. Use the method of your choice (the Upside-Down Levitation Boots are easiest, natch) to reach it and you'll trigger a cut-scene where you peel away the room and the Hall is revealed to be an illusion.

In the scatterplot minigame, the points of data don't make a beautiful line!

Well, of course not! They make a banana! Why would you expect anything less?

Level 12 is bogus...

Okay, I realise that some of you may have thought that level 12 was a bogus idea to begin with, but remember that the room has to have an opening. It is in the shape of a right triangle and yet the length of the "hypotenuse" wall is less than the square root of the sum of the side walls squared. Just look near the portrait of Pythagoras and use your "find traps" ability... if you have it...

The space exploration level doesn't make any sense!
The fourth witch hint is wrong!
How do you get into the third dimension?
What does the "reproject" button do? I thought it warped me to a new zone, but I'm still in the same place, kind of?

You are in a space of uniform negative curvature, so the witch's hint to make a pentagon out of five right angles is quite possible in only two dimensions. The reproject button switches between different projections of the curved space onto your flat monitor.

Sheesh, people. Do I need to hold your hands through everything?

When can you get the upside-down levitation boots?
Are the upside-down levitation boots possible to get?

Simple answer... so simple I would never have thought to have to tell you people. All you have to do is simply write out the answer to George Boolos's 1992 logic puzzle and, once you've figured out which god speaks true, ask him which dimension Blackdrip reconfigured. If you guess wrong and go to the wrong dimension though, you may end up hearing banjo music eternally... so take care to solve the puzzle correctly.

How do you 'win' the Robot Finds Kitten minigame?

Decide that you've won it.

The dodge level is really hard! Am I doing something wrong?

When I got the fourth instance of this question, I figured at first this must be a bug. After much questioning and even getting a video chat set up, I have determined the real culprit: If you feel like you must assert the statement in the question, the answer is, "Yes. You are doing it entirely wrong. Dodge, next time."

You didn't give us enough time to complete the chemistry experiment!

My first question is: Which experiment are you talking about?

If you answered "The distillation of alcohol" My answer is that you aren't supposed to finish it.

If you answered "The synthesis of Stomach Acid" My answer is just make sure that you read the directions before starting the timer.

If you answered "Determination of physical state of water" my answer is:

The badges don't work!

I oppose the notion of badges vehemently, and not only do I not implement them I do not permit this game to be hosted on sites that implement badges. From the various cases of this comment I've received I gather that they are referring to a particular game on Kongregate that (A) doesn't have badges, and (B) never loads, and (C) judging from the comments, no one else can get it to load either.

So, why do people keep assuming it's my game?

Your game is a... cow?

We were hacked. Sorry, fixed now.

How do I find the red key on level 13?

You don't need it to complete the level, but you can give yourself the red key by editing your save file using the in-game hex editor. To do that, you have to find a computer - in the internet cafe, for example.

How do I open the hatch in Level 10?

Look carefully at how "hatCH" is capitalised. That's right, you need one of the two Swiss Hats! But not the clockwork one, you'll need that later.

If I select a foreign language option, the NPCs still speak in English!

If I select a foreign language option, the NPC conversations break pretty badly!

Well, of course they do. This is England. Just because we've gone to the trouble of letting you play a character from a wide variety of foreign lands doesn't mean that this is happening in your home country, or that anyone understands what you're saying. Or do you have a Big Ben and cliffs of Dover in your home country, too?

I thought not.

How do I avoid dying for no apparent reason on level 14?

Always keep a rubber chicken about your person.

But don't I have to give the rubber chicken to the orphan on level 6 in order to get the polished shoes?

You can always polish your shoes yourself.

I can't begin level 73!

That's nothing. Simply remember that the equation for respiration is C6H12O6 + 6O2 → 6CO2 + 6H2O.