Planet of Hats

ABOUT     ARCHIVE     FORUM     RSS     BUY ORIGINAL ART     SKETCHES     SUPPORT ON PATREON     UPDATES IRREGULARLY
 

<     Episode 1.18: Arena     >

Episode 1.18: Arena

<<FIRST     <PREVIOUS     NEXT>     LATEST>>

This episode is famous for the Gorn, but it only appears in the last third or so of the episode - a lot of stuff happens before that. I didn't have room to put in the shots where the Metron graciously relays live video of Kirk fighting the Gorn to the Enterprise viewscreen, so the crew can watch. I even wrote a couple of lines for that:

Spock: Notice the substance encrusting that rock. A white crystalline substance. Potassium nitrate. I recognise it by sight.

{Kirk collects the potassium nitrate and sulphur in a bamboo tube}
Spock: Yes, yes. He knows.
McCoy: What is it? Tell me!
Spock: No, I'll keep you in suspense, doctor.

Transcript

1
Captain's log, Stardate 3045.6. Received a call to observation outpost Cestus III. Beaming down.
Kirk: It's destroyed! That call was faked! Red alert!
Spock: I knew we should have performed a routine scan first.
2
McCoy: Jim! A survivor!
O'Herlihy: I see someth—
SFX: Disintegrate!
Kirk: One survivor, one redshirt. At least we break even.
3
Sulu: {over communicator} Captain! We're under attack! We can't beam you up.
Kirk: Kelowitz! Lang! Distract the attackers while I dodge acrobatically from cover to cover!
4
{Enterprise bridge}
Sulu: The alien ship is fleeing. We can beam you up now.
Kirk: {over communicator} But I still have some heroic weaving and rolling to do!
5
{sick bay}
Lieutenant Harold: {the survivor} They came out of nowhere, destroyed everyone! Women, children!
Kirk: An invasion!
Spock: There are several possible explan—
Kirk: Invasion, I say!
6
{bridge}
Kirk: Sulu, run that ship down like a whale! They task me! Outrageous strength, with an inscrutable malice sinewing it!
Sulu: They're making warp 6, sir.
Kirk: Warp 7!
Scotty: We cannae sustain warp 7 wi'out damaging the ship.
Sulu: They're at warp 7.
Kirk: Warp 8!!
7
{Shocked crew: Scotty, Spock, Uhura, Sulu}
Caption: Daytime soap opera close-ups!
8
Metron: {on viewscreen} We are the enlightened and peaceful god-like Metrons. We have stopped your violent chase. Captain Kirk, you and the Gorn Captain will be taken to a planet to settle your differences in single combat. There will be materials to construct weapons, if you are clever enough.
Metron: Pass the popcorn.
Metron: Oh Metron, is this thing still on...?
9
Gorn: RAAARRRHH!!!
Kirk: Not fair! Your shirt is pre-ripped!
10
Kirk: I don't see anything to make a weapon with. Styrofoam boulders, diamonds, potassium nitrate, sulphur... Wait, I recall something from an old 21st century episode of MythBusters.
11
Caption: Kirk makes gunpowder and a primitive cannon!
SFX: BOOM
12
Kirk: I won't finish you off. I'll show mercy.
Metron: Oh, man.
Kirk: Are you a Metron?
Metron: Yeah, I had 600 credits on you killing him. Well, I suppose you're free to go.


Irregular Webcomic! | Darths & Droids | Eavesdropper | Planet of Hats | The Prisoner of Monty Hall
mezzacotta | Lightning Made of Owls | Square Root of Minus Garfield | The Dinosaur Whiteboard | iToons | Comments on a Postcard | Awkward Fumbles
Last updated: Saturday, 09 November, 2019; 23:13:26 PST.
Copyright © 2014-2020, David Morgan-Mar. dmm@irregularwebcomic.net